what just falls out sometimes ....

It always works out that when I need to write something, I can’t … but I can write something I want to. At least, that’s how it goes for me.
I guess there are a lot of quotes I could dig up about minding your tongue. There are many more about how your words affect folks. It's a two-way street. Your words might inspire or encourage or they might cut to the bone.
I'll share a very personal story.
About five days after my first child was born my then husband decided he didn't want to be married to me anymore. It sucked, pretty hard. I was mostly angry and because I had a precious newborn to care for I sort of adopted an attitude that I couldn't be bothered by his nonsensical crap. But I was broken on the inside, that big ol honkin' knife in my back was hard for me to ignore. Sometimes we package ourselves up in a way to seem more appealing to those we love or are partnered with. It’s not that we aren’t “ourselves” but sometimes you loose parts of yourself that were essential to the core of you. I had done that in this relationship, I cut away my cerebral tendencies, played down my intelligence. I lost so much of who I was. So the betrayal was two-fold for me.
My dear friend Templeton recently released a new album. She's an amazin' singer, songwriter, cowgirl poet. She has a song on this album called "Stronger in the broken places." http://www.templetonthompson.com
This song is an anthem for healing from anything that might have been a tough row to hoe for you. First time I heard it - tears instantly sprang to my eyes. It reminded me of nearly 13 years ago when I took my 6 week old baby to my post-havin'-a-baby appointment. I was alone. My husband was shacked up with his new love and I began the journey of raising my incredible son Wade on my own. In the waiting room this sweet and incredibly well meaning woman asked me or commented that she betted that my husband was sure proud of such a beautiful and perfect baby boy. Still full of a lot of anger, I said with as much grace as possible that I really wouldn't know. Without any great detail I explained that Wade's "dad" cheated on me while I was pregnant and was not really pitchin' in with the diaper changes. He was gone. I'll never forget that woman. She didn't belittle my ex-husband (who is making amends these days) but she said. "Well, honey ... you are in a better position than you think. You look in the mirror, you are so beautiful and you have this gorgeous baby boy and you will meet someone wonderful. You will meet a man that will fall in love with this child and with you, so don't you worry."
Her words were like a healing balm on a bad burn for me. Because at just 25 years old, I thought I was done. I’d loved two men at that point. One, who I could always be myself with, I’d lost due to my own stupidity and immaturity, and then my husband left me. I figured I was washed up. No more love for me. It’s amazing what you can dream up when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
I wish I knew that lady’s name.
She spoke my world into existence ... just threw it out there to the universe and about a year later I met Kent. Kent fell in love with Wade before he completely fell for me.
So what you say to someone, even if you are just bein' sweet or thoughtful can hold more meaning for someone than you ever realize.
We are stronger in the broken places ... love is a gamble; everyone’s bound to get knocked down. But, we all learn a little (or a lot) from each relationship.
I think that a lot of people feel broken these days (especially in the horse industry) because financial circumstances are beyond their control. It's hard not to feel broken when you don't have money to pay for the things you and your loved ones need. I know what that feels like. I also know we will all be better for the struggles. I really wonder if this isn't a higher power trying to wipe out that sense of entitlement that plagues our young people and many of their parents too. Many of us have been saying "we need to get back to basics" and how our values were eroding. Well, nothing will jerk you right into reality and make you aware of right from wrong like being absolutely forced live on the meager side. Maybe it's a collective smack upside the head? Variations of the quote “what doesn’t kill you, will make your stronger” have been etched into cave walls and still holds true today.
Having your circumstances change abruptly can make you a little jaded and cynical too. We can get past that. But moral decay is tough to turn around at a dead gallop, and baby – that horse has been stretched out and flat gettin’ it.
I don't know, but a lot of folks I know have spent the last year to 18 months getting back to those basics and enjoying time with their families. They are taking walks and enjoying simpler things.
I experience so much joy just from watching my kids. Yesterday, Sylvi and Wyatt stole an egg out of the fridge and were trying to “hatch” it. Sylvi is nine and knew better but she was humoring her little brother! My laughter was the product of pure, unadulterated amusement. You can't pay payments on that.
Just remember, no matter what happens … be it the loss of love, money or respect … tomorrow is another day. Take what you can from your mistakes and your experiences.
Regret can consume you if you don’t remember to ask yourself what you learned from stepping on the wrong path. A lesson sometimes will never make up for a loss you suffer.
This is true for me personally, but I am a better person today because of the mountains I’ve climbed, tunneled through or hiked around the long way.
I have three simple rules for life:
1. If you love someone tell them. Even if they don’t love you back you will make them feel special and they will remember you for how you made them feel. Complement people, they probably need it. Most of the time you are thinking … man I wish I could sing, play the guitar, paint, run, keep my house as clean, cook etc. etc. etc. as well as … anyway. Just tell them, geez.
2. Laugh, out loud and often as possible. Laugh at the absurdity, laugh at Murphy and his cruel jokes.
3. Remember to breathe, stop and look around … you are a puzzle piece in a giant jigsaw. But to know where you go, you have to be aware of where you are. Look up, pay attention and drink in the miracle of your existence. Everyone has a gift to share with the world. That’s the miracle of you.

Do these things and you’ll overcome most of your hurts and clear the obstacles that keep you from enjoying life.

You are stronger in the broken places!
peace and light
Tess

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