under-sharing

Ok, so it HAS totally been forever since I shared my thoughts with the viewing public.
It's not as if I haven't had any. I am not sure what has kept me silent. It's really not like me.
Since I last posted personally a lot has happened!
I attended my high school reunion -
I rode my horse again after a two year "I'm skeert" phase -
I FINALLY got a new sofa! Actually I got TWO new sofas (isn't that lucky!)
I've been to TN, KY Florida and Illinois -
My kids have out grown nearly all their clothes again -
I've made some huge personal changes so that I can have more peace of mind and inner bliss.

This is very big stuff! Oh, and just tonight ... I registered to run / walk in my first 5K ever!

I've tried for years to hide under the delusion that I didn't like to run. Truth is I just suck at it. I am short and in school everyone just blurred past me. I don't like to do things I suck at, especially public things!
It wasn't that I was completely nonathletic. I rode horses, I was a gymnast, I rode my 10 speed everywhere and I can roller skate backwards!
But to be real here - I'm a brat. Seriously ... I'm the kid that quit playing Monopoly when I wasn't winning. Apparently, I have control issues. Running, I never worked at hard enough to be any good at it.
My Uncle Don is a runner! I tried to run with him a time or two, like for lessons. I think I thought it'd rub off on me. I was waiting for an instant transition in which my lungs wouldn't feel as if they'd descended into the pits of hell. Never happened and I just got out run by a dude that was more than twice my age. My uncle is now in his 70's, he's still in awesome shape. I think he walks more than he runs. My guess is, he can still kick my ass running any day of the week and all day on Sunday!
So I've had this secret desire to be a runner. I was perfectly willing to take it to my grave, honest! I'm sure I am at least 45 lbs over weight and walking around on battered knees and I am slightly asthmatic ... seems like I may have missed my peak time to excel at this activity. I have, however, paid my $20 for a 5K that is in exactly 2 weeks.
I am not sure whether to thank profusely or drop kick my good friend Jeanne for encouraging this bizarre behavior. I'll let you know around noon on Nov. 14th. Interestingly, this date is my childhood best friend's (also named Jeanne)birthday. This friend is an EMT, I don't think this is a coincidence. I need one Jeanne to encourage and inspire me and the other to administer CPR. It's all good!
I have two friends from high school that have recently completed half marathons. Megan and Rhonda are my heroes - my secret desire to run was first fueled by their facebook posts about their training runs and then of course their triumph over 13.1 miles! I will think of them as I waddle through this first 5K. I may curse them too, but I will not mean it, scouts honor! They are completely awesome!
I have some level of embarrassment in getting to this 5K. Because of my battered knees (insert gymnastics here) I have to go get uber good running shoes that correct my "over pronation" (check me out with my cool running terms!)this just means that I literally "run funny". So in order to have my gait evaluated I get to go to the running store, you know where the elite marathon types hang out. Those that have read my past columns know that I am a positive person. So, I will not crinkle my determination by worrying about the looks I might get in this mecca for runners. I am sure that pudgy women go there everyday embarking upon their own realization of secret dreams of athleticism.
I am listening to my cowgirl sister Templeton's song "I can do this" for more inspiration because it's late and Inspiration Jeanne has gone to bed. Paramedic Jeanne is likely awake, but I feel sure she'd discourage me from probable cardiac infractions.
Seriously, its not the 5K ... it's a run/walk and I walk 4 to 5 miles pretty often. A 5K is only 3.1 miles. I can't run it yet. But I will - that realization is somewhat scary.
Inspiration Jeanne says that if you are uncomfortable then you are growing, unless of course you have a sunburn or a hemorrhoid or something, then it just is what it is. I wont be uncomfortable walking this first 5K, but I will be uncomfortable because I won't be running. I am learning thou, a little at time that I don't have to and I can't control everything. I can't get in good enough shape to run a 5K in two weeks. I could wait, I bet that's what you are thinking. I could train and then do one in the spring. I could ... but I wouldn't.
I just need to go be uncomfortable. So I will ... remember, I paid my $20 already and Kent (my hubby) won't let me back out. That's a good thing.
So, wish me luck folks. I'm gonna get up stupid early in two weeks, drive 50 miles and likely be really cold. I'll walk 5 kilometers but most importantly, I am going to let go of my need to control everything in my life. Oh, don't get too excited ... I'll still need to control most everything else. But this I can do.
AND party bonus ... I get a t-shirt!

hunt down your bliss and nail it to the wall,
Tess