The power within

I owe Clinton Anderson a debt of gratitude. Sue Vetsch and I met Clinton and his lovely girlfriend Amy for dinner last friday night.
I'd met him before, but not at any length. But my friend Tootie Bland loves him and they are close - so I sort of figured if Tootie loves him ... then so would I.
You'll laugh but we met at the Outback. Yes, I was told that Clinton "loves" Outback. Ironic, I think. But he seemed happy enough to eat there.
What I didn't expect from my meeting was the mental kick in the ass I got. Clinton is 33, I am 37. No one will argue that he is successful. He's still working on a sort of ultimate goal.
He told me that he'd built his life, his career around a book called Psycho-Cybernetics. I had a vague recollection of someone else mentioning that book and only realized later that it was both a man named Dale Calvert and another man you may have heard of named Zig Ziggler.
Clinton didn't gush about the book. He's not a gusher. He is incredibly smart, articulate beyond speaking about horse behavior. He's a smartass "in real life" too, and he's funny. Clinton is charismatic without trying to be.
So anyway he says a few things that resonate with me ... about positive thinking and reacing goals etc. I say some things ... and begin to realize that I am learning from this "interview". We sat at the Outback for a few hours at least, no one bothered us. One couple behind us figured out who he was and very politely introduced themselves.
Clinton explained that he doesn't like to show off and he really enjoys being alone. So much so, that he will go to the movies by himself.
You'll learn more in the winter issue that features him. So subscribe if you want to get that!
So, I bought that book. It's fascinating. A lot of the principles in the book are things that I do already. I found I was good at a lot of the goal setting and even visualization ... but turns out I have a much shittier self-image than I thought I did. Who knew? The premise of this book is that you "if you can concieve, and believe you can achieve BUT you have to be convinced that YOU can get there. See it's easy to set a lofty goal and it's easy to say "one day this or that" but it's HARD to KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that you'll cross the finishline.
I stated to think about myself. Something that as a mom of three, I seldom do. I wondered when my self image slipped into such disrepair. Was it when I gained weight? Is it because I don't earn a lot of money? Is it because I am lousy housekeeper and the kids are constantly running out of clean underwear? Is is because I fell off my horse over a year ago and have only ridden her twice bareback for like 2 minutes each time since ... so now I am a big ol weenie?
Hmmm these things certainly would merit some loss of esteem ...
I used to be uber confident! I always seemed to get what I wanted. Somewhere along the way that stopped happening. In the movie "Hope Floats" Harry Connick Jr.s character tells Bertie (Sandra Bullock) "What happened to you? You used to be ... audacious!" Everytime I watch that movie and hear that line I cringe ... because it's like a slap in the face.
Did everybody used to be audacious and they just quit a little more each year they grow older ... or am I the only one?
I don't know and I don't care ... cuz I ain't sittin here gettin worse NO MORE.
The funny thing is that I knew this stuff all along. I know that your attitude determines your altitude. I know that "whether you think you can or you think you can't ... you are right." I was raised by parents that told me everyday "you can do anything you set your mind to do." There was a very special boy I loved then who helped me to reinforce my worth and capabilities.
I don't know how and when I forgot this stuff.
I listened to my friend Templeton Thompson's song "I remember you" - which says "Oh yeah, I remember you - little girl - big dreams - nothing to loose - pocket full of possibilities - and wings on your shoes. You might not even recognize me now ... but I remember you -

And I thought what would my 16 year old self think of me now? She'd love my horsey career, she'd be appalled that I had three kids (she'd get over it), she'd be thrilled that she had her dream horse and pissed as hell that we don't ride her. She'd march my fat butt to the gym and yell at me until the fat rolled off and then she'd start on my wardrobe. She'd think our husband was cool. And she'd wonder why the world I wasn't wealthy by now. She'd think I was a cop out on many levels. She'd hold my feet to the fire. She was a ball of fire.
She'd be right about a lot of that stuff. But I have learned a thing or five since then and I'd be quick to share it. I'd tell her she's wrong about having kids. Making sure you raise compassionate, generous, goal oriented people to help further the world for the better is the best thing you can do besides further it personally. I'd tell her she was stupid for not listening to our parents. And I'd tell her that horses will always be her friends, and far more loyal than some of the people she tries so hard to please. And I'd tell her to never loose sight of the things that are important to her. To always run that mental movie of her goals and dreams through her head - so she has a clear target for success. I'd insist she not let fear make her decisions. I'd tell her to ask Clinton more about that book and how it helped him and I'd tell her to interview him in 2000 when she started the magazine NOT 8 years later.
What dreams did you give up on - where did you settle. What would your young self think of you now?

Blessings
Tess